apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
