am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize