my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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