Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
