I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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