She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
