do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
