I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
