he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
