I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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