Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
