the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
