Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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