How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
