just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
