Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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