and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
