I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
