put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
