your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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