The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I die, sorry about rent.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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