I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
