and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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