My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
