Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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