a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
