There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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