I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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