sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
