did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
