He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
