he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
