I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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