We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
