from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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