I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
