Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
