Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
