I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
