No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
3 2 1 whiskey
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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