the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
