He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
