You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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