I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I just sharted jello shots
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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