My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
please come you make the beer taste better
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
