Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
