i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
