If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
