Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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