fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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