Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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