No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
