vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
