i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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