hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
