Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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