No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
