Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
