Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
