I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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