What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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