so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
