i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize