I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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