Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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