dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
