what day is it and did you see me today?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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