are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
