I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
