Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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