Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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