I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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