Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
