i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize