All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
