i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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