So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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