everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
